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“Though Jesus was an idealist, he was, perhaps surprisingly, very much also a realist. He loved real people with acceptance and grace.”
– Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage
A little over four weeks ago I married my best friend. We spent the rest of that weekend, just the two of us, in downtown Indy soaking in the reality that we were finally husband and wife. We made the trip home on Sunday and although the weekend came to an end, the week of our “home moon” was just beginning.
When we got home on Sunday, Sean asked me, “So you think you’ll stay tonight?” We both looked at each other and literally laughed out loud. I said, “Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll stay forever.” If you know us, you know we didn’t live together prior to marriage. So coming home together and knowing neither one of us had to leave was pretty special.
We decided on staying home for our honeymoon for a couple of reasons. Traveling is hard for me with my fibromyalgia. If you’re married or have ever planned a wedding you know that wedding stress is real. Stress is a huge trigger for me so I really couldn’t see myself leaving for a long distance trip after the wedding however good a tropical destination or mountain getaway sounded. The second reason was that we both were so eager to finally be home and start living our lives together.
We both took the week off work and we decided what we were doing the day of.
The spontaneity of the week was just the refresher that we didn’t know we needed.
Our home moon consisted of spending time together one on one and spending time with our friends. We’re both very much people people. We spent time in our home snuggled up on the couch watching movies, we went to the zoo, went out to eat, went shooting, and visited the winery. Sadly, the week wrapped up and we reluctantly went back to reality.
Now, we’re focusing on adjusting to married life and finding the rhythm that is right for the two of us and we’re over the moon to be figuring it out as a family under the same roof.
The reality is; it takes time to adjust. I am trying to keep in mind that its okay to not “have it figured out” yet because no one does and I’m pretty sure I never will. I’m trying to remind myself that there is no such thing as a perfect wife or a perfectly clean home.
We didn’t live together prior to marriage, we weren’t intimate prior to marriage, we didn’t have joint finances prior to marriage, and now were married and doing it all.
So life lately has been all about learning how to live our lives together as one and live out our roles we’ve taken on as husband and wife.
“We will always be somewhat broken, and we will never be perfect. We need to remember every day that we are sinners, and to be a sinner means to be essentially self-centered, and to be essentially self-centered means we are destined for conflict in our relationships. An integral part of marriage’s design is the sanctifying work that takes place between two sinners in close proximity, learning to love each other.”
– Matt Chandler, The Mingling of Souls
This newlywed season is filled with sweet moments. Moments that are full of learning, of loving, of difficult conversations, of living selflessly. And, friends, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.